I want to but…I cannot

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I want to…

Thank you for letting me into your world
Getting to know you has been challenging yet somehow exhilarating
I want to be your soul’s partner, here for you always
Never judging, always supporting and loving you unconditionally
I want to explore this world with you; create with you
I want to be the one you finally feel safe with; open up to completely
I want to be your last and somehow your first
You are worth my time, my energy, entwining my path with yours

…but I cannot…

You have not let go of your past hurts, disappointment, abuse
You are still hurting; accusing and suspicious
Nothing I say or do can make your mind, your heart feel at ease
You are stuck, unable to move forward
Your soul’s wounds still exposed and blistering
You see this lifetime hasn’t been easy for me, I can relate to your pain
But for you and me, I can begin again, love again, feel good again
For you I’ve waited what seems like a lifetime; sad to have love squashed by the death grip of pain
I’ve come too far along in my healing journey to ever turn back to what has been
I will always love you, my heart won’t let you go
But I must leave now before I lose any part of myself again

I want to but… I cannot.

 

© 2016 SereneNSassySoul

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Gratitude After Matthew

Today I thanked each tree for standing tall and strong despite Matthew’s wrath! My car, my home, my family are all safe. I watched the trees bend, some I didn’t think would make it but they refused to let Matthew take them down.

The Sun’s warmth today was so necessary and so energizing. The cool Autumn breeze is truly cleansing helping to clear out residual crap (*chuckles*) making room for infinite opportunities.

Matthew gave me time to ponder and open my mind further…

You know me, always looking for something positive within chaos. Besides, I find inspiration in everything the Universe creates.

Love, Peace & Blessings…

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Save Your Loved Ones…OPTIONS

This weekend, someone I care about became so overwhelmed dealing with her pain on her own that she decided her only OPTION was to leave this world. She was a Beautiful Spirit; her energy comforting and inspiring. She apparently was an expert hiding her pain because everyone that knew her said she was “happy” and “full of life”. According to everyone there was no indication that she was experiencing internal chaos to the point of no return.

I had not seen her in a few weeks and the last time I saw her she did seem content. At the time of our last connection, I was experiencing my own internal chaos so perhaps I was not as tuned in as I normally am. My grief now with her passing is that I wish someone, if not me could have shown her another OPTION to managing her pain.

I’m always asking everyone to pay attention to loved ones; listen to them and never dismiss their feelings. How you may deal with an issue is not how someone else may be able to; respect their feelings even if you don’t understand them and NEVER, I mean NEVER tell someone to “just get over it and move on”.

In light of this situation, I am wondering how in-tuned with someone you can be if you are experiencing your own issues at the same time. I can remember thinking of this young women and feeling her internal conflict between the choices she had made; some she was not proud of but doing everything she could to make better choices and move forward. She worried constantly (mostly because of religious teachings) that she may never “be right” with God because of past indiscretions. It was difficult because of the people around her and their teachings, to believe God loved her no matter what, God knew her heart was kind and God understood she was trying to make a better life for herself.

options1I think now of the person who told me that contrary to what I believe, everyone does not need support and encouragement to thrive in this world. I respect her perspective but I firmly believe that everyone thrives with support and encouragement; now even more now than ever. I believe we all need someone to listen, I mean really listen; sometimes advise or offer counsel. We were not created to navigate this world alone. We need to know that we are not the only ones experiencing what conflict there may be. While no one else can validate our feelings, it helps to know that you are not alone and it helps to know there are OPTIONS…even when you feel hopeless, there are OPTIONS. Having support, being encouraged helps you access a place within you to create the OPTIONS that will help you get through any internal chaos you may experience.

Again, I wish someone including myself could have helped my young friend access her OPTIONS to escape the pain she was feeling. The feeling in my heart center is not just about her leaving this world, it’s also about the way she decided to leave…the cold and lonely journey she took to leave. I wish she wasn’t alone, I wish she wasn’t dragged down by darkness, I wish she knew how loved she was…is. Perhaps I should have told her how inspiring she was; how her smile and infectious laugh made the dimmest of days bright. Perhaps I should have reminded her of how encouraging her counsel was because you could always feel it coming from her heart; no judgement present.

helping-hand-emotionalNow more than ever I just feel that even when someone pushes us away, we can’t just let them be! I remember being so depressed years ago and not speaking to anyone except during work hours, my Mom would just keep leaving me messages, “I love you and I am here whenever you are ready to let me be.” At the time my internal chaos was so strong there was nothing anyone could say or do to help me, but those messages gave me an OPTION…to keep waking up each day until I could figure how to help myself. You never know how listening or perhaps lending words of kindness can truly be enough to help give someone light through their darkness.

Let’s make a pact to not be consumed by the fear, tragedy and sadness surrounding us in the world today. Let’s work together to create OPTIONS! Lend someone your words of kindness; inspire someone with your actions. Help someone find the strength they need to keep moving forward even when they feel hopeless. No act of kindness is too small.

A couple years ago, a woman in front of me at the Dunkin Donuts drive thru paid for my order without requiring recognition or thank you from me… During that time, I was struggling financially and I knew it was a blessing; it was my light during the darkness I was experiencing. So without much consideration, I used the money I set aside for my breakfast for the person behind me as a way to pay forward the kindness shown to me.

Do what you can and KNOW that it’s enough. Don’t let someone suffer alone; put your hand out and give them a boost up…help them access their OPTIONS. OPTIONS apply to Men and Women. Do NOT assume because physically Men are stronger (in most cases) that they don’t need someone to help them access their OPTIONS!

I’m sending you all the Love and Light I can without depleting my own at this time.

May your outlook be bright and may you always remember you have OPTIONS.

Love, Peace & Blessings…

If you didn’t know…now you know!

Although I still find it somewhat difficult to accept that I’ve never met anyone who “gets” me, today I’ve made great progress not allowing it to adversely affect me. People often complain I am distant and out of touch with them but today I realized their opinion is based on their inability to understand how I connect and communicate. I will only admit to being different (not better than) from most people I’ve come across during this lifetime; if you have a problem with that, please see My Creator for additional information.

So here are some random facts about me…

I will never be a church going, religious person; I do believe in a Higher Power same as most but I don’t need or want anyone to be a part of our relationship.

I have a deep affinity for trees, animals, oceans, the sky, the Moon, the Sun, the Stars, each planet…

I love Seniors and Children and defend them passionately.

I love the idea of Love and everything that Love is! I know what Love smells like, tastes like, feels like, sounds like, looks like…

I’ve got a serious jones for music, REAL music; it helps me process what I feel and inspires me to keep feeling and creating. The instruments, the words of a song…it’s all magical to me.

Sheldon is my favorite character on The Big Bang Theory; yeppers socially inept and all, I love me some Sheldon Cooper!

I enjoy books, movies and shows about magic and even some vampires, but this doesn’t make me demonic-like!

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I love storms and the energy they bring; cleansing and release…

When I write I like to use ellipses … and semi-colons ; because the thoughts in my mind don’t usually have periods.

I’ve been collecting stones since I was about 4 years young; way before I knew the energetic properties of crystals and stones. Does this make me a trailblazer? *chuckles*

I love frogs; there’s no reason I just do, always have. Perhaps there’s something about their eyes…

When I finally own a nice piece of land, I will rescue animals, yeppers I love them so…

I still use an iphone 4S…because it still works and does everything I need it to do.

I don’t go to the doctor unless I have an infection that I can’t get rid of myself (sinus); I create herbal remedies for anything that ails me because…I CAN!

I’m an ambivert but mostly and introvert who needs lots of solitude or I go freaking madddddd… I can also identify with characteristics of an HSP, Empath, INFJ, INFP, Indigo, Claircognizant, Clairsentient, Life Path 8, Leo Sun, Leo Moon, Scorpio Ascendant blah blah blah, but I can be anything on any given day. I solely determine who I want to be each New Day because…I CAN!

It is my opinion that true Hip Hop is DEAD! No I don’t care to provide an explanation; just listen for yourself…

I wish Chris Brown wasn’t C-Breezy and Tey Songz wasn’t Trigga (sigh)

I hope people will learn to accept differences of others instead of hating…some day

I enjoy the show Bones and my favorite character is Hodgins; maybe because we both have curly hair? *chuckles* Nah, I love who his character is and how he loves Angie. I also love how Bones and Booth have always loved one another.

Two years at the same job and never pooped there once! *chuckles* my bladder and bowels, we have an understanding about public facilities.

I think I’m just about ready to buy a tiny house and go off the grid; well mostly…

Facebook irks me but I love Pinterest and Tumblr; my peeps are there J

Well there you have it folks; almost every quirky thing about me (I’m sure there are a few more).

To the ones I’ve met and shared moments with, I appreciate what you’ve added to my life.  I’m sending wishes for great love and peace as you continue during this lifetime and each one thereafter.

To the ones I will meet and make great strides with, thank you in advance; I appreciate all that you and all that you do.

 

Love, Peace & Blessings,

Indigo Scribe

On this New Day…

I awakened feeling groggy this morning; discomfort in my head, throat and stomach. I just feel pretty blah but I dragged myself to the job anyway just because I feel like I will miss the day’s pay if I didn’t. I realize this is opposite of honoring myself but I’ve made huge changes recently and I can admit to being concerned about lack of finances. If I don’t feel better I will go home; I’ve already promised myself…
So here is the interesting parts of my morning…
First I walked in to a spider web; why, why why do they insist on spinning webs in walkways? It’s always so finely spun that you don’t know you’re walking in to it until you feel it all over your face! (chuckles) I love spiders though, so I fussed a bit them asked them lovingly to please spin out of the walkway next time. Do you think they were listening? (chuckles)
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Secondly, I got into my car and as I look a the windshield, a baby tree frog was sitting there just chillin’. (chuckles) I still can’t figure out how in the world he/she ended up on the windshield; it looks as if he/she was “dropped off”. (chuckles) So I found something in the car to have him jump onto so I could place him in the grass. I did not want to touch him/her because he/she was a baby and I wasn’t sure if I would hurt him/her (my mom calls me Hercules, chuckles). Eventually we worked together and he/she was off and hopping in the grass…
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Here are some significant meanings relating to a Frog Spirit Guide:
Transformation
Cleansing
Healing
Rebirth
Renewal
New Life

Yesterday was filled with emotional turbulence, therefore I’m sharing my encounter with the baby frog today simply to show you just how wonderful the Universe truly is. When you ask for help (or in my case something to inspire me), it will be delivered to you (albeit not always in a way you would like for it to appear).

 As always the Universe knew what I needed on this New Day and so my cleansing and healing process has begun. Further confirmation is the itchiness I’m currently experiencing which has always been a sign of emotional release for me.
So…thank you to my Frog Spirit Guide for visiting me on this New Day when I need you most. Thank you for taking time to visit me outside of your regular business hours (frogs are mostly nocturnal). I am grateful for your guidance and beautiful energy.
To you, my Beautiful Spirits, stay focused on the life you are working to create and do not allow anything to deter you. Sure you will hit a few “bumps” in the road but none of those “bumps” are larger than your will to create the life you know you deserve.
Until next time, wishing you all Love, Peace & Blessings…
SereneNSassySoul

Inhale…Exhale…

Pain felt so deeply it make your heart stop briefly, your head pound angrily

Love felt so deeply warming your entire being, briefly taking your breath away

Disappointment you feel when someone you love experiences turmoil and there’s nothing you can do to make it stop; one of the worse things you can ever experience…helplessness

People around have no idea what you are processing inside, most don’t care; it’s not as if they can resolve your worries anyway…

Tears refuse to fall; spirit refuses to accept defeat

Something inside of you is fighting the darkness trying to take over; your will is stronger than anything that comes up against it

You can feel this happening inside of you; there are no words to describe it

The internal war is making you stronger and things that angered or saddened you melt away…

After a while your guides help you understand and know what your spirit, heart knows…you are just fine

You smile at this feeling a sense of inner peace spreading within you calming your entire being

In this moment you realize the one you love will be just fine in time; at their own pace and in their own time

Rain begins to fall, you release the chaos allowing yourself to breathe freely once again; rain is always soothing and cleansing

After a while the Sun joins you in the first new moments of the rest of your life…

You can’t look back even if you wanted to; forward progress is the only way

Inhale, Exhale…Inhale, Exhale…Inhale, Exhale…

©2016 SereneNSassySoul

 

©2016 SereneNSassySoul