Dearest Beautiful Spirits,
After spending yesterday in bed, searching for a reason to keep trying, I’ve awakened today with reasonS to keep trying.
Here’s the thing, I had to acknowledge that there is something within me that is destructive. It fights all of the good in me, as if it’s trying to prevent its inevitable death once I get the hang of thriving as my authentic self. This destructive (for lack of a better term) part of me is a strong son-of-a-b&tch, fortunately the rest of me is even more powerful.
You see it’s so much easier to blame something outside of yourself when your life doesn’t seem to go as want it to. At this time in my life, there is no one or nothing to blame, yet I still feel as though I am not where I should be.
I’ve even tried to blame it on being an introvert, unfortunately everywhere I look there is a successful introvert thriving because of who they are. I honestly believe as an idealist, dreamer, INFP I often get stuck in the creation phase of things and lose interest shortly thereafter because…monotony of day-to-day business is not appealing to me. Funny thing is, I am definitely at the point in my life where working for someone else, helping to build their dreams is simply NOT AN OPTION! I’ve managed other people’s businesses, it’s past time for me to put my big girl panties on and manage my own business. HUuuuuuuumph! *chuckles*
Bottom line is, I’ve been afraid of following through with my dreams/ideas because lack of support has subliminally taught me I am unworthy of fulfilling my dreams/ideas. Growing up, no one ever saw the splendor in my dreams/ideas and I wasn’t encouraged to pursue them. If the ones who love you don’t seem to believe in you, how can you expect anyone else will?
As the years went by, the twinkle in my eyes along with my fearlessness slowly evaporated and I began waiting for someone to save me (i.e. from the bully in school, the adults who thought it was okay to violate my trust, an abusive spouse…) yet no one ever came to save me.
YOU ARE WORTH SO MUCH MORE THAN YOU MAY KNOW AT THIS MOMENT; DON’T EVER GIVE UP ON YOURSELF. ITS TIME TO BE YOUR OWN HERO…
Being saved was a deep longing I needed fulfilled but much to my chagrin, it never happened until the Universe told me clearly and with certainty, “You and only you have the power to save yourself. It’s time for you to do so with all that you are; all that I’ve created you to be. You are never alone, I am always here unconditionally loving, protecting and guiding you.”
After such a spiritual awakening, there is no way I could continue waiting for anyone to save me so I made a conscious effort to begin saving myself. I am not perfect nor always happy but my personal power is something that I rely on to keep moving forward instead of allowing myself to give up.
Let me just tell you, my entire being…mind, body, spirit, soul and heart gang up on me if I try to give up; seriously sore throat, chest pains, back pains, headaches, spiritual disconnection etc. The part of me that is not destructive has become so much stronger than the part trying it’s best to shut me down therefore, my only choice is to keep moving forward.
Wishing You Love, Peace & Courage during your personal journey…