I want to but…I cannot

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I want to…

Thank you for letting me into your world
Getting to know you has been challenging yet somehow exhilarating
I want to be your soul’s partner, here for you always
Never judging, always supporting and loving you unconditionally
I want to explore this world with you; create with you
I want to be the one you finally feel safe with; open up to completely
I want to be your last and somehow your first
You are worth my time, my energy, entwining my path with yours

…but I cannot…

You have not let go of your past hurts, disappointment, abuse
You are still hurting; accusing and suspicious
Nothing I say or do can make your mind, your heart feel at ease
You are stuck, unable to move forward
Your soul’s wounds still exposed and blistering
You see this lifetime hasn’t been easy for me, I can relate to your pain
But for you and me, I can begin again, love again, feel good again
For you I’ve waited what seems like a lifetime; sad to have love squashed by the death grip of pain
I’ve come too far along in my healing journey to ever turn back to what has been
I will always love you, my heart won’t let you go
But I must leave now before I lose any part of myself again

I want to but… I cannot.

 

© 2016 SereneNSassySoul

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Gratitude After Matthew

Today I thanked each tree for standing tall and strong despite Matthew’s wrath! My car, my home, my family are all safe. I watched the trees bend, some I didn’t think would make it but they refused to let Matthew take them down.

The Sun’s warmth today was so necessary and so energizing. The cool Autumn breeze is truly cleansing helping to clear out residual crap (*chuckles*) making room for infinite opportunities.

Matthew gave me time to ponder and open my mind further…

You know me, always looking for something positive within chaos. Besides, I find inspiration in everything the Universe creates.

Love, Peace & Blessings…

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Save Your Loved Ones…OPTIONS

This weekend, someone I care about became so overwhelmed dealing with her pain on her own that she decided her only OPTION was to leave this world. She was a Beautiful Spirit; her energy comforting and inspiring. She apparently was an expert hiding her pain because everyone that knew her said she was “happy” and “full of life”. According to everyone there was no indication that she was experiencing internal chaos to the point of no return.

I had not seen her in a few weeks and the last time I saw her she did seem content. At the time of our last connection, I was experiencing my own internal chaos so perhaps I was not as tuned in as I normally am. My grief now with her passing is that I wish someone, if not me could have shown her another OPTION to managing her pain.

I’m always asking everyone to pay attention to loved ones; listen to them and never dismiss their feelings. How you may deal with an issue is not how someone else may be able to; respect their feelings even if you don’t understand them and NEVER, I mean NEVER tell someone to “just get over it and move on”.

In light of this situation, I am wondering how in-tuned with someone you can be if you are experiencing your own issues at the same time. I can remember thinking of this young women and feeling her internal conflict between the choices she had made; some she was not proud of but doing everything she could to make better choices and move forward. She worried constantly (mostly because of religious teachings) that she may never “be right” with God because of past indiscretions. It was difficult because of the people around her and their teachings, to believe God loved her no matter what, God knew her heart was kind and God understood she was trying to make a better life for herself.

options1I think now of the person who told me that contrary to what I believe, everyone does not need support and encouragement to thrive in this world. I respect her perspective but I firmly believe that everyone thrives with support and encouragement; now even more now than ever. I believe we all need someone to listen, I mean really listen; sometimes advise or offer counsel. We were not created to navigate this world alone. We need to know that we are not the only ones experiencing what conflict there may be. While no one else can validate our feelings, it helps to know that you are not alone and it helps to know there are OPTIONS…even when you feel hopeless, there are OPTIONS. Having support, being encouraged helps you access a place within you to create the OPTIONS that will help you get through any internal chaos you may experience.

Again, I wish someone including myself could have helped my young friend access her OPTIONS to escape the pain she was feeling. The feeling in my heart center is not just about her leaving this world, it’s also about the way she decided to leave…the cold and lonely journey she took to leave. I wish she wasn’t alone, I wish she wasn’t dragged down by darkness, I wish she knew how loved she was…is. Perhaps I should have told her how inspiring she was; how her smile and infectious laugh made the dimmest of days bright. Perhaps I should have reminded her of how encouraging her counsel was because you could always feel it coming from her heart; no judgement present.

helping-hand-emotionalNow more than ever I just feel that even when someone pushes us away, we can’t just let them be! I remember being so depressed years ago and not speaking to anyone except during work hours, my Mom would just keep leaving me messages, “I love you and I am here whenever you are ready to let me be.” At the time my internal chaos was so strong there was nothing anyone could say or do to help me, but those messages gave me an OPTION…to keep waking up each day until I could figure how to help myself. You never know how listening or perhaps lending words of kindness can truly be enough to help give someone light through their darkness.

Let’s make a pact to not be consumed by the fear, tragedy and sadness surrounding us in the world today. Let’s work together to create OPTIONS! Lend someone your words of kindness; inspire someone with your actions. Help someone find the strength they need to keep moving forward even when they feel hopeless. No act of kindness is too small.

A couple years ago, a woman in front of me at the Dunkin Donuts drive thru paid for my order without requiring recognition or thank you from me… During that time, I was struggling financially and I knew it was a blessing; it was my light during the darkness I was experiencing. So without much consideration, I used the money I set aside for my breakfast for the person behind me as a way to pay forward the kindness shown to me.

Do what you can and KNOW that it’s enough. Don’t let someone suffer alone; put your hand out and give them a boost up…help them access their OPTIONS. OPTIONS apply to Men and Women. Do NOT assume because physically Men are stronger (in most cases) that they don’t need someone to help them access their OPTIONS!

I’m sending you all the Love and Light I can without depleting my own at this time.

May your outlook be bright and may you always remember you have OPTIONS.

Love, Peace & Blessings…